England Is Not A Vacation

I am sitting in the kitchen of Andrew’s cousin, Shameen. Shameen lives in this beautiful refurbished old castle with her husband Jim and their four children, Max, Tess, Nathan and Rowan. My boys are ecstatic. The house is perfect for playing hide-and-seek in the dark. When you think you have gotten to the end of the house, it keeps going. It is easy for all of us to be quietly enjoying our space in the house and not run into each other. Although, the kitchen can be the busiest and most popular area of the house.

Outside, the grass is green and the house is surrounded by a wood of trees and bushes and a little boy’s exploring heaven. It is often raining here and the cold goes straight to the bone. I wear my scarf and hat inside on occasions. Hot tea and hot chocolate are a must. The boys (all 3) and I have enjoyed sleeping in, leisurely morning breakfast and tea, and relaxing in our pjs until around noon. After a shower, we then slip outside to the car and go for a drive to breathe in the brisk air and let the Scottish scenery feed our souls. It feels like Colorado and it makes us miss it even more than before. The past 2 days, we had warmth and sunshine on our drive. A perfect backdrop to the magical scenery. This is exactly what I needed. I needed to get away and disappear in a novel without thinking about my job and the stresses in England. Sigh…Ahhhh….

Those of you who are jealous of someone who has moved to a different country need to look around at their own backyards and remember where you are and what you have. I love England as much as any. I have always been romanticized by the beauty, the royalty, the history, and the lush green rolling hills dotted with sheep and a steaming cup of tea with biscuits. This is the England I love and have visited often. The romanticized England is on vacation.

When we moved here, I was getting used to the language, the differences in how to ask or explain about something I needed. I was learning how to drive on the left side of the road. I was catching myself saying, “that is weird, or that is strange.” Until I caught myself being redundant and decided I should say, “that is different.” The other sounded cold and judgmental. I feel comfortable now going in to the stores to buy groceries or paying for gas. I have even compared prices with different stores and know which store I should go to get the items I am looking for. I have the routine down and feel comfortable navigating my way to soccer practice, games, and weekly agendas.

Life is routine, that is what it comes down to. I like the routine. It is dependable and mindless. But routine, and mindlessness is not vacationing. England is our place or residence right now and we do not drink in the scenery or live the life of a queen. My coworker, Kelley, said the other day, that we need to remember to stop and smell the roses – she had just given me a bouquet of flowers with 2 small red roses. It was good advice. I had forgot to smell the roses. I have been living the life of duty and obligation.

On the weekends, our family does our weekly chores of cleaning house, doing laundry, going to soccer practices and games, occasionally making it to church, and getting ourselves ready for the school/work week just in time to live out the week and then start it all over again. Maybe your family has this same routine. Ours is not different really we just happen to live in a different place.

This school year has stretched me more than I can remember. It is not the curriculum that I am teaching since it is quite similar to the one back home. It is not the kids really since kids are the same wherever you go. It is not the staff since there are good people to work with wherever you go. It is the planning for 30 kids with amazing expectations and fewer resources. But even then I cannot put my finger on it. I don’t know what it is really. I feel like I am under a microscope but no one has said if what I am doing is right or wrong or even in the ballpark. I just keep plugging along in hope of feedback and praise or even critique. I just wonder what people think. I have been more of a police officer than a teacher which has been disappointing since my heart is in teaching. I want to do a good job and so I keep on.

Outside of school, the boys and I are an American accent haven. We love each other and take all our frustrations out on the people closest and most important in our lives – each other. I guess the culture does play into our frustration and mostly the boys miss their friends. They hate being “the kid from America.” They just want to blend in and mess around with school friends that they have known since kindergarten. This loneliness would be the same if we had moved to Washington DC. It might be more acute here but then maybe not. We are enjoying the experiences that we have. We do not diminish the amazing opportunities that our children and we are experiencing. But we also miss home. It is not a vacation but we don’t feel like it is home either. So in some ways we are caught in between.

Nothing is harder on a mother than watching your children hurt, struggle, and cry. I’m trying to be tuned in to the difficulties that my children are facing and separate the anger from the sadness and the hurt from the joy. It is a strange place for our family to be. I do not regret the move but I know it is harder and more difficult than I would have imagined. Life is funny really. If we were back home, things would be changing as well. Nothing stays the same. I guess it is how you deal with the changes and how well you take the time to smell the roses. There are flowers in everyone’s life. You just have to stop, breathe it in and exhale.

Photo updates

So, we have succeeded in getting swamped with everyday life, so we haven't been posting a blog at all. We have a week off now, which we are spending in Creetown, Scotland. So we are updating our photos. Scroll down if you like to see what we've been up to over the last several weeks. We'll be uploading photos daily to catch up on life in the UK.

Cheers - the Syed's

British Football

As most know regarding us, we are a soccer family. Bored with baseball, not quite tall enough for basketball and not ready yet for football (the American kind)- we love soccer. So, our boys play and have for years. And today was a great day.

It rained all day, but they don't cancel games here for rain. Of course, if they did, there never would be any games. Konner played first at 11am, then Tanner at 2pm, so we were out in the sop all day long. Konner's team played a typical 0-0 draw. Tanner's game was much different. It mercifully ended after two extra-periods at 7-6. Unfortunately, Tanner's team lost, but that was not the story of his game.

The story was, well, Tanner. His team is relatively new and they have had a rough start of the season. To be honest, the team is not very good. And as the 'American' kid, Tanner hasn't gotten any breaks. But today he decided that he would go out and play as hard as possible, no matter what the outcome. I had told him before the game to just be himself, lead by example, and play determined. In the rain, that is what he did.

He was everywhere on that field. While his team jogged, he sprinted. He didn't score, but was responsible directly for three goals that he set other teammates up on. He covered the best player on the other team. He dribbled and passed through walls and ran and worked as hard as I've ever seen him. In short, what he did was earn the respect of his teammates, the other team, his coach, and most every parent on the sideline. Even though the result was not a win, Tanner had won respect as a kid who can play. In fact, several parents told Melia and I that the wished every player played like Tanner - they'd do a lot better. T came off the field smiling, because he knew what he had done.

The day needs a bit of context. When Tanner first arrived here in the UK, he tried out for a different team and was cut after 3 weeks because he "wasn't good enough." Truth is, he hadn't been given a fair shot. This obviously shook his confidence and added to his frustration of being the 'new' kid, but he still wanted to play. So we found another club for him to try out for and they reluctantly took him in. It was a rough introduction to the insanity that is British football, but I think he's earned his spot now.

What Tanner did today was more about life than soccer. He learned that respect is something you earn, and that there is generally no substitute for hustle and hard work. He also learned something about leadership. Tanner has at times been the class-clown (or team-clown) in the past, but now he is on a team of players who need a leader. After today, they are talking of making T captain, and in British football, that is a big deal.

I know I'm a proud dad, but I'm proud of being a proud dad.

It's 7:30 at night, and he is already asleep. It was that kind of day.

-Andrew

Life Must Be Normal Because.....

...we're busy. School. Soccer. Work. I'm traveling. Melia has parent-teacher conferences. Trying to fit it all in. Needing to be in eight places at one time. The banks are crashing. It seems that life in the UK might not be that much different than the US. Outside of the fact that our surroundings are different, everything else seems to be settling in to the random chaotic normalcy that defined our lives in Colorado. Strange that this is good news.

We're developing a troubling evening ritual in our house. After we're all home, dinner has been eaten in stages and we have half an hour to exhale - we crash in the living room and watch The Simpsons. We've never really watched The Simpsons before, but for some reason there we are, each evening - watching, laughing, cringing... Maybe it's because it is such a uniquely American show in a sea of uniquely bad British TV. Don't know. In fact, I don't know why I'm writing about it.

There are other normal things going on. We don't have time to get the laundry done. Dishes get stacked up. Kids hate chores. Melia still has the hardest job(s) in the world (mom, wife, teacher). And I'm traveling. In fact, I've been to Kenya, am headed to Brazil, will be in NY and then Romania, all in 6 weeks. I love to travel, but even this spins me around a bit.

Anyways, there is a bit of happiness in our house. Both boys have found some friends, which after the last two posts is promising. They still have that issue that everyone in school hates - no one to sit with at lunch - but they do have some emerging relationships.

In a few weeks, school will be out for a week (fall break) and we'll take a week off to go explore. I don't know where we'll go. We've talked about Germany, or Scotland, or maybe Spain to see the sun. The boys keep suggesting Colorado.

- Andrew

The World at 12

Our boys are beginning now their second full-week of school. Konner has had a better week, even daring to invite a new friend over for a play-date. Nathan came over on Saturday for a few hours and he and Konner seemed to have a good time. In fact, tonight, Konner has been invited over for dinner. I hope he eats!

Tanner had a rough week. Apparently, bullies are not only an American phenomenon. A couple of boys decided to make Tanner the object of their cowardice, taunting him most of the week, and effectively making sure that anyone who tried to hang out with Tanner felt their wrath as well. I was in Kenya when Melia called me about a particularly rough day Tanner had. He spent the night in tears, frustrated, angry, and very homesick. But like his younger brother, he courageously got up the next day and went back to school – enduring even more ridiculous taunts from foolish boys.

As I lay in my hotel room in Nairobi, all I wanted to do was corner these two boys myself and teach them the lessons all bullies need to learn. It might not be very politically correct, nor very “christian”, but we’ve always taught both our boys to not accept the bullying that life brings. Sometimes there are times to push back a bit, and that’s what I felt like doing in that moment. Problem was, I couldn’t. I was on another continent. This was Tanner’s fight to wage.

The taunting continued, and Tanner’s inner rage deepened. This is where things become a bit dangerous, because there are limits to patience. Melia and I know that Tanner, being a predominantly fun-loving, social kid, has his limits and he tends to erupt – even if only for a moment. We did not want things to get to that point. So Tanner maturely asked his mom to come to the school with him and help him tell the principal about what had been happening. That’s what they did the very next day, and not by coincidence, there were no bullies to be found the next three days. They had been dealt with, appropriately.

It is an unwritten boy rule that you don’t tattle on others, but in this case, Tanner did the right thing. An apology letter came from the two boys and things seem to be moving in the right direction now. Tanner continues to be himself, which is all I ask of him. As parents, we continue to painfully watch our two boys navigate some of the cruel nuances of real life. I must say, they are passing each test with flying colors.

If Tanner’s school problems were not enough to deal with, he found out that the soccer team he initially made was too full, so they cut him. So we made the effort of finding another team for him to get in on, which luckily we did. He’s had two games so far and is doing well, but school and soccer aren’t the issues. Finding routine, building friendships and gaining a bit of comfort are what’s needed for our boys. Each day it feels like we get just a step closer.

I am so proud of these two boys. I don’t know what else to say. As parents, we can’t protect them from reality, only help them navigate it. I don’t know if we do a good job. Often times in this move, I’ve felt guilty for uprooting them from their life in Colorado. But they have continued to be brave boys, navigating change and the strange cruelties of life with courage.

For those of you who emailed Konner – thank you. He speaks of it often. If you want to email Tanner, his email is tannerdrew@gmail.com.

The World at 8

For those of you with more than one child, you know that you don't really have favorites. Somehow you are give capacity to love each one fully and completely. It can't be explained - it just is reality. Yet, there are times it seems when your heart really goes out to one of your kids because you recognize that he might be having a particularly difficult go of things. Such is the case this week with our youngest - Konner.

For those of you who know Konner, you know he is a great kid. He has a unique personality that endears people to him. He is not outspoken, generally. Most consider him shy, but he really can be talkative. He is slow to allow people into his 'circle of friends' as we call it, but if you are in, you are in. Loyalty is and will be a strength of his. Right now, though, it is causing him difficulty in connecting with new people in his life.

Konner started school this week. He bravely woke up early Tuesday morning, put on his school uniform and got ready to go. I took him up to his new class and he bravely walked in, sat down, and began his day. I, of course, couldn't stay, but I knew it would be a hard day and week for him. Konner misses his friends in Colorado - and he hasn't figured out just yet that he can make new friends while still honoring the friendships he has forged over his 8 years.

Konner's circle of friends in Colorado is tight, and they are loyal to each other. Melia and I have commented several times about the unique group that Konner has run with. Ely, Tristan and Emilio, Marcos and others have been Konner's loyal friends not just for one school year as is often the case in elementary school, but since he started Pioneer elementary school in Lafayette. He misses them fiercely and is reluctant to move forward. It's hard as a parent, because we know all too well the struggle of being a little kid in a new environment. In Britian, it might be particularly hard, because even though it is a new school year, they choose to keep classes together here throughout their primary years. So, the class that Konner has joined has been together since what we consider preschool. That's a challenge for the new American kid.

Moving is hard. Especially on kids. As much as we have tried to make this move smooth for our boys, the hard work still remains. A new school. New faces and names to learn. New risks to take. Ultimately, it is a good thing that will make us all stronger, but the effort remains. Forgive me, but I'd rather my 8 year old not have to make that effort just yet.

I was laying in bed with Konner the other night and asked him what he wanted to do this weekend for fun. Last weekend we went to Stonehenge. The beach, maybe this weekend? A castle or some old fort from hundreds of years ago? No - he wanted only to go to Colorado.

He is a brave young boy. Every day he has gotten up without complaint, put on that uniform, and headed off to school to meet the challenges head on. I am so proud of him. I wish I could make it easier for him, but mostly what I can do is honor his courage, acknowledge the struggle, and love him for who he is. Not a shy kid, but a great kid who will bless someone here with a great friendship.

I'm glad I'm in his inner circle - it's not easy to get into.

In my work, I come across the stories of other 8 year old boys in the world who face much greater fears. Child soldiers, traffikking, slavery - they're all out there in this ugly world. But right now, my heart is for Konner, who faces everyday the real fear of being foreign in a new place. Sometimes, life is an adventure. Other times, you just want to be home.

If you read this, say a prayer for Konner, who we affectionately call 'Kon'. He'd appreciate it, and so would I. If you want to drop him a line, his email is konnerdaniel@gmail.com. If your name happens to be Ely, Tristan, Emilio, Noah, Marcos, CJ, or any other 3rd grader at Pioneer Elementary School, I know he would love to hear from you.

-Konner's dad

On a different note - some of you have inquired about photos. I promise, they are coming soon.

Laundry

“Mom, why is the dryer in the dining room?”

“That is a good question, Konner.”

I have not seen a house yet that does not have the washing machine in the kitchen. I’m sure there are some but I haven’t seen them yet. Our washing machine sits right next to the dishwasher, which by the way we are lucky to have both a washer and a dishwasher.

All the European washing machines that I have seen in the stores are front loaders. They are more economic and use much less water and…fit next to the dishwasher in the kitchen.

Doing laundry takes twice as much time because you can only get half the load. The average washer is so small. It will do about 3 pairs of jeans, one towel and maybe a few shirts and some underwear with socks. That would be quite a load actually.

The washing machine has different setting just like ours but some of the settings last 90 minutes. So I mostly choose the fast, daily use setting that only takes 30 minutes.

After washing the clothes, it is time to put the clothes in the dryer. We are very fortunate to have a dryer. Many people do not have dryers. They have these accordion folding racks to pull out and hang clothes on. One guy I talked to described his dryer as more like a wringing machine. The spinning would pull the water out of the clothes and leave it at the bottom in the removable tray. After it has spun a while, you empty the tray of water, put the tray back and then keep it spinning. It does not really dry the clothes but it pulls or wrings the water out.

We are lucky. We have a modern dryer that really dries. But the dryer holds less than the washer really…if you want things to dry completely. Jeans are almost impossible. I dry the jeans for about 20-30 minutes and then I hang them on the accordion folding rack to dry the rest of the way. If I don’t pull the jeans out early, they will be so wrinkled and not completely dried either. Cotton shirts take awhile as well. Sometimes, I will dry the clothes for 30 minutes and then take out the items that are completely dried. This will lighten the load and I can give the cotton shirts another 30 minutes.

I have been here for over a month and I am starting to figure out how to wash and clothes more successfully. The biggest mistake is putting too many clothes in the washer and making the loads too full. Once I started making smaller loads, laundry actually got done quicker. This is because of the drying process. Plus the clothes are not as wrinkled this way.

The other problem is that there is no long tube running from the dryer to go outside. So the hot humid air that would normally travel outside when you dry your clothes. Instead the air is right there in the dinning room. So we have learned that you must keep the window open while doing laundry. At first, I would shut the dining room door so the humidity would not seep into the rest of the house but the window was not giving the air enough relief. So papers sitting on the table would be a bit soggy or warped from the humid room. It would be great if you wanted to have a sauna.

Yes, the dryer is in the dining room. It is so small and light; I can pick it up and take it upstairs to the bedroom if I wanted. That is where it started. But there was little space for it there. I’m thinking of putting a tablecloth over it to make it look like a serving table in the dining room.

I’m learning the tricks to get through the laundry process. But for the most part, I think we are the lucky ones here. It could be worse. We could have no dryer or the wringer dryer. So I am thankful for what we have.

Now, I am all the more thoughtful about throwing that one day, half worn shirt into the dirty laundry hamper. I think I could wear it one more time. I don’t think it is that dirty after all. I wonder if I can teach my boys to do the same.