Life Must Be Normal Because.....

...we're busy. School. Soccer. Work. I'm traveling. Melia has parent-teacher conferences. Trying to fit it all in. Needing to be in eight places at one time. The banks are crashing. It seems that life in the UK might not be that much different than the US. Outside of the fact that our surroundings are different, everything else seems to be settling in to the random chaotic normalcy that defined our lives in Colorado. Strange that this is good news.

We're developing a troubling evening ritual in our house. After we're all home, dinner has been eaten in stages and we have half an hour to exhale - we crash in the living room and watch The Simpsons. We've never really watched The Simpsons before, but for some reason there we are, each evening - watching, laughing, cringing... Maybe it's because it is such a uniquely American show in a sea of uniquely bad British TV. Don't know. In fact, I don't know why I'm writing about it.

There are other normal things going on. We don't have time to get the laundry done. Dishes get stacked up. Kids hate chores. Melia still has the hardest job(s) in the world (mom, wife, teacher). And I'm traveling. In fact, I've been to Kenya, am headed to Brazil, will be in NY and then Romania, all in 6 weeks. I love to travel, but even this spins me around a bit.

Anyways, there is a bit of happiness in our house. Both boys have found some friends, which after the last two posts is promising. They still have that issue that everyone in school hates - no one to sit with at lunch - but they do have some emerging relationships.

In a few weeks, school will be out for a week (fall break) and we'll take a week off to go explore. I don't know where we'll go. We've talked about Germany, or Scotland, or maybe Spain to see the sun. The boys keep suggesting Colorado.

- Andrew

The World at 12

Our boys are beginning now their second full-week of school. Konner has had a better week, even daring to invite a new friend over for a play-date. Nathan came over on Saturday for a few hours and he and Konner seemed to have a good time. In fact, tonight, Konner has been invited over for dinner. I hope he eats!

Tanner had a rough week. Apparently, bullies are not only an American phenomenon. A couple of boys decided to make Tanner the object of their cowardice, taunting him most of the week, and effectively making sure that anyone who tried to hang out with Tanner felt their wrath as well. I was in Kenya when Melia called me about a particularly rough day Tanner had. He spent the night in tears, frustrated, angry, and very homesick. But like his younger brother, he courageously got up the next day and went back to school – enduring even more ridiculous taunts from foolish boys.

As I lay in my hotel room in Nairobi, all I wanted to do was corner these two boys myself and teach them the lessons all bullies need to learn. It might not be very politically correct, nor very “christian”, but we’ve always taught both our boys to not accept the bullying that life brings. Sometimes there are times to push back a bit, and that’s what I felt like doing in that moment. Problem was, I couldn’t. I was on another continent. This was Tanner’s fight to wage.

The taunting continued, and Tanner’s inner rage deepened. This is where things become a bit dangerous, because there are limits to patience. Melia and I know that Tanner, being a predominantly fun-loving, social kid, has his limits and he tends to erupt – even if only for a moment. We did not want things to get to that point. So Tanner maturely asked his mom to come to the school with him and help him tell the principal about what had been happening. That’s what they did the very next day, and not by coincidence, there were no bullies to be found the next three days. They had been dealt with, appropriately.

It is an unwritten boy rule that you don’t tattle on others, but in this case, Tanner did the right thing. An apology letter came from the two boys and things seem to be moving in the right direction now. Tanner continues to be himself, which is all I ask of him. As parents, we continue to painfully watch our two boys navigate some of the cruel nuances of real life. I must say, they are passing each test with flying colors.

If Tanner’s school problems were not enough to deal with, he found out that the soccer team he initially made was too full, so they cut him. So we made the effort of finding another team for him to get in on, which luckily we did. He’s had two games so far and is doing well, but school and soccer aren’t the issues. Finding routine, building friendships and gaining a bit of comfort are what’s needed for our boys. Each day it feels like we get just a step closer.

I am so proud of these two boys. I don’t know what else to say. As parents, we can’t protect them from reality, only help them navigate it. I don’t know if we do a good job. Often times in this move, I’ve felt guilty for uprooting them from their life in Colorado. But they have continued to be brave boys, navigating change and the strange cruelties of life with courage.

For those of you who emailed Konner – thank you. He speaks of it often. If you want to email Tanner, his email is tannerdrew@gmail.com.

The World at 8

For those of you with more than one child, you know that you don't really have favorites. Somehow you are give capacity to love each one fully and completely. It can't be explained - it just is reality. Yet, there are times it seems when your heart really goes out to one of your kids because you recognize that he might be having a particularly difficult go of things. Such is the case this week with our youngest - Konner.

For those of you who know Konner, you know he is a great kid. He has a unique personality that endears people to him. He is not outspoken, generally. Most consider him shy, but he really can be talkative. He is slow to allow people into his 'circle of friends' as we call it, but if you are in, you are in. Loyalty is and will be a strength of his. Right now, though, it is causing him difficulty in connecting with new people in his life.

Konner started school this week. He bravely woke up early Tuesday morning, put on his school uniform and got ready to go. I took him up to his new class and he bravely walked in, sat down, and began his day. I, of course, couldn't stay, but I knew it would be a hard day and week for him. Konner misses his friends in Colorado - and he hasn't figured out just yet that he can make new friends while still honoring the friendships he has forged over his 8 years.

Konner's circle of friends in Colorado is tight, and they are loyal to each other. Melia and I have commented several times about the unique group that Konner has run with. Ely, Tristan and Emilio, Marcos and others have been Konner's loyal friends not just for one school year as is often the case in elementary school, but since he started Pioneer elementary school in Lafayette. He misses them fiercely and is reluctant to move forward. It's hard as a parent, because we know all too well the struggle of being a little kid in a new environment. In Britian, it might be particularly hard, because even though it is a new school year, they choose to keep classes together here throughout their primary years. So, the class that Konner has joined has been together since what we consider preschool. That's a challenge for the new American kid.

Moving is hard. Especially on kids. As much as we have tried to make this move smooth for our boys, the hard work still remains. A new school. New faces and names to learn. New risks to take. Ultimately, it is a good thing that will make us all stronger, but the effort remains. Forgive me, but I'd rather my 8 year old not have to make that effort just yet.

I was laying in bed with Konner the other night and asked him what he wanted to do this weekend for fun. Last weekend we went to Stonehenge. The beach, maybe this weekend? A castle or some old fort from hundreds of years ago? No - he wanted only to go to Colorado.

He is a brave young boy. Every day he has gotten up without complaint, put on that uniform, and headed off to school to meet the challenges head on. I am so proud of him. I wish I could make it easier for him, but mostly what I can do is honor his courage, acknowledge the struggle, and love him for who he is. Not a shy kid, but a great kid who will bless someone here with a great friendship.

I'm glad I'm in his inner circle - it's not easy to get into.

In my work, I come across the stories of other 8 year old boys in the world who face much greater fears. Child soldiers, traffikking, slavery - they're all out there in this ugly world. But right now, my heart is for Konner, who faces everyday the real fear of being foreign in a new place. Sometimes, life is an adventure. Other times, you just want to be home.

If you read this, say a prayer for Konner, who we affectionately call 'Kon'. He'd appreciate it, and so would I. If you want to drop him a line, his email is konnerdaniel@gmail.com. If your name happens to be Ely, Tristan, Emilio, Noah, Marcos, CJ, or any other 3rd grader at Pioneer Elementary School, I know he would love to hear from you.

-Konner's dad

On a different note - some of you have inquired about photos. I promise, they are coming soon.