The World at 12

Our boys are beginning now their second full-week of school. Konner has had a better week, even daring to invite a new friend over for a play-date. Nathan came over on Saturday for a few hours and he and Konner seemed to have a good time. In fact, tonight, Konner has been invited over for dinner. I hope he eats!

Tanner had a rough week. Apparently, bullies are not only an American phenomenon. A couple of boys decided to make Tanner the object of their cowardice, taunting him most of the week, and effectively making sure that anyone who tried to hang out with Tanner felt their wrath as well. I was in Kenya when Melia called me about a particularly rough day Tanner had. He spent the night in tears, frustrated, angry, and very homesick. But like his younger brother, he courageously got up the next day and went back to school – enduring even more ridiculous taunts from foolish boys.

As I lay in my hotel room in Nairobi, all I wanted to do was corner these two boys myself and teach them the lessons all bullies need to learn. It might not be very politically correct, nor very “christian”, but we’ve always taught both our boys to not accept the bullying that life brings. Sometimes there are times to push back a bit, and that’s what I felt like doing in that moment. Problem was, I couldn’t. I was on another continent. This was Tanner’s fight to wage.

The taunting continued, and Tanner’s inner rage deepened. This is where things become a bit dangerous, because there are limits to patience. Melia and I know that Tanner, being a predominantly fun-loving, social kid, has his limits and he tends to erupt – even if only for a moment. We did not want things to get to that point. So Tanner maturely asked his mom to come to the school with him and help him tell the principal about what had been happening. That’s what they did the very next day, and not by coincidence, there were no bullies to be found the next three days. They had been dealt with, appropriately.

It is an unwritten boy rule that you don’t tattle on others, but in this case, Tanner did the right thing. An apology letter came from the two boys and things seem to be moving in the right direction now. Tanner continues to be himself, which is all I ask of him. As parents, we continue to painfully watch our two boys navigate some of the cruel nuances of real life. I must say, they are passing each test with flying colors.

If Tanner’s school problems were not enough to deal with, he found out that the soccer team he initially made was too full, so they cut him. So we made the effort of finding another team for him to get in on, which luckily we did. He’s had two games so far and is doing well, but school and soccer aren’t the issues. Finding routine, building friendships and gaining a bit of comfort are what’s needed for our boys. Each day it feels like we get just a step closer.

I am so proud of these two boys. I don’t know what else to say. As parents, we can’t protect them from reality, only help them navigate it. I don’t know if we do a good job. Often times in this move, I’ve felt guilty for uprooting them from their life in Colorado. But they have continued to be brave boys, navigating change and the strange cruelties of life with courage.

For those of you who emailed Konner – thank you. He speaks of it often. If you want to email Tanner, his email is tannerdrew@gmail.com.